My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
