He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
My vagina just recognized that song.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
