I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
