is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
