that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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