She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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