He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
