At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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