Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
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