Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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