I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
