That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
COCAINE IS GR8
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
