Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
