This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Randomize
