there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
