I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
