So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
