epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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