Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
