Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I had to cum in my sink.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
