Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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