she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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