I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
