Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize