dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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