he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
