The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
