just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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