I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
