I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
