1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
