Someone shit on the floor
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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