i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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