i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
