I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
