how do flat chested girls get laid?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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