im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
