Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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