I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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