And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
