I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
