Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
