I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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