I accidentally burped into my bong.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
