In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
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I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
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Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
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30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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