So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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