guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
