So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
