I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
