So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
