Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
