Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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