chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize