She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
