I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
