dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
