I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
