Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
