I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
