Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
