I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
