dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
