I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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