but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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