I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
