man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
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you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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